Paris Hilton Jokes

Funniest Paris Hilton Jokes (Collection #1)

(Get Paid $1,000 For The Funniest Joke You’ve Ever Heard)

Note: This list was sent in by an anonymous reader of our site who says, “These jokes are essentially ‘dumb blonde jokes’ but we know that not all blondes are dumb. However, Paris Hilton sure seems to be. So we just replaced her name into the jokes. And it actually made lots of sense LOL! Enjoy!”

“Be sure to add your own Paris Hilton jokes …” at the bottom

Paris Hilton Jokes #1. Want to know a Paris Hilton joke? Look at her nose -now THAT’S a joke!!

Paris Hilton Jokes #2. Paris Hilton looked at her driver’s license and got depressed when she saw that she got an “F” in sex. (F = Female)

Paris Hilton Jokes #3. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are catching up after having not seen each other for a long while, when Britney says to Paris, “Did you know that I’m married to Kevin now?”

Paris replies, “Really? No, I didn’t know that, but I used to date him. Isn’t he the one who had the really bad dandruff?”

“Yeah,” answered Britney, “but I fixed that, I gave him some Head & Shoulders.” Paris looks really confused and after a few moments asks, “How do you give head and shoulders?”

Paris Hilton Jokes #4. Paris Hilton’s Speeding Ticket

Paris Hilton was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to Paris and says, “Excuse me m’am, could I please see your driving license and registration?”

Paris looks at the policeman angrily and says, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license, and then today, you expect me to show it to you!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #5. Why does Paris Hilton drive BMWs? Because she can spell it!

Paris Hilton Jokes #6. Paris Hilton In An Accident

One day, while Paris Hilton was out driving her car, she accidentally ran into a truck. The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement and told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. Paris started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time, Paris laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows.

Paris is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny. Paris giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times! :P”

Paris Hilton Jokes #7. Paris Hilton On An Airplane

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached Paris Hilton sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. Paris replied “I’m Paris Hilton, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with Paris asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, Paris replied, “I’m Paris Hilton, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.” The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.

The captain said, “Don’t worry, I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in Paris’ ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so?” Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what the captain said to Paris that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #8. Speeding Paris Hilton And The Breathalizer Test

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. He immediately realized that it was Paris Hilton behind the wheels.

“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”

“What’s a license???” replied Paris, in her typical clueless manner.

“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, Paris managed to find it. “Now, may I see your registration?” asked the cop.

“Registration … what’s that …?” asked Paris.

“It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned in to the dispatch to run a check on Paris’ license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm …, the woman driving is Paris Hilton, right?”

“Yes,” replied the cop.

“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”

“What!!? I can’t do that. It’s … inappropriate!” exclaimed the cop.

“Trust me. Just do it,” said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

Paris looks down and sighs, “Ohh no …, not another breathalyzer ….”

Paris Hilton Jokes #9. When Paris Hilton Was A Virgin

When Paris Hilton was still a virgin, she told her grandmother that she was finally going out on her very first date. Her grandmother said, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys …

“He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do it.” She continued, “He is going to try to feel your breasts; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. He is also going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that either.” Then the grandmother said, “But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”

With that bit of advice in mind, young Paris went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next, day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, “But, grandmother, you can be very proud of me because I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family instead!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #10. What do you call Paris Hilton behind a steering wheel? An air bag.

Paris Hilton Jokes #11. Paris Hilton’s Paint Job

As part of her punishment for drunk driving, Paris Hilton was asked to do some community work. So she decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

Paris said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, Paris came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” Paris answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“And by the way,” Paris added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #12. In exchange for a quick release from prison, Paris Hilton was required to do some tasks at the highway department. Her job was to paint the lines down the center of the roads.

Paris began working immediately. The first day, she painted five miles of stripes. The next day, she painted three miles. But on the third day, she only painted one mile of stripes.

The supervisor took Paris aside and asked her what was wrong. “You worked so hard and painted so fast the first couple of days. Why are you working so slowly now?”

Paris replied, “Because the bucket of paint keeps getting farther away.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #13. Paris Hilton was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days, but finally she returned.

Her friend, Britney, never saw Paris looking so sad. “Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay. But you look so sad. Why?”

Paris said, “Cause I just can’t get a man.”

Britney replied, “Well, you sure won’t find one in the middle of the woods.”

Paris said, “Don’t be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods because I needed to find something there that would get me a man. But I couldn’t find it.”

Britney said, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Paris replied, “Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I brought along some dead mice and a bird cage.”

Britney asked, “So, how is that gonna help you get a man?”

Paris answered, “Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #14. Why hasn’t Paris Hilton ever gotten a real job? Because in all her job applications, under Education, she put ‘Hooked On Phonics’.

Paris Hilton Jokes #15. What did Paris Hilton name her pet Zebra? Spot.

Paris Hilton Jokes #16. How can you tell a FAX has been sent from Paris Hilton? There’s a stamp on it.

Paris Hilton Jokes #17. What did Paris Hilton do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.

Paris Hilton Jokes #18. What do you do if Paris Hilton throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back.

Paris Hilton Jokes #19. What did Paris Hilton say when she got pregnant? “I better go to Jenny Craig’s to lose weight.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #20. How did Paris Hilton get caught cheating on a test? She wrote on her test, “Ha ha! You didn’t catch me cheating while I was writing the test!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #21. Why did Paris Hilton demand a refund for a donut? There was a hole in it.

Paris Hilton Jokes #22. Why did Paris Hilton say she won after she lost in the game connect four? She said, “Look, I got four in a row: one, three, four!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #23. Why did Paris Hilton butcher a dog and set it on fire? She heard from someone that “hot dogs” taste delicious.

Paris Hilton Jokes #24. Why was Paris Hilton excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months? Because the box said “4 to 6 years”.

Paris Hilton Jokes #25. If Paris Hilton worked as a waitress, how can you tell which waitress is her? She’s the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Paris Hilton Jokes #26. What do you get when you offer Paris Hilton a penny for her thoughts? Change.

Paris Hilton Jokes #27. Why does Paris Hilton write TGIF on her shoes? Toes Go In First.

Paris Hilton Jokes #28. Why doesn’t Paris Hilton like to make Kool-Aid? She can’t get eight cups of water into that little packet.

Paris Hilton Jokes #29. What’s the advantage of being married to Paris Hilton? You can park in the handicapped zone.

Paris Hilton Jokes #30. What do you call eight Paris Hiltons in a freezer? Frosted flakes.

Paris Hilton Jokes #31. Paris Hilton’s boyfriend comes home from the office and finds Paris sobbing uncontrollably. ”What’s wrong?” he asks. ”I feel awful,” she cried. “While I was pressing your suit, I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

“Don’t worry about it,” consoled the boyfriend. “Remember that I have an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

“Yes, and it’s a darn good thing you do, too,” she replied, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #32. Kevin lived next door to Paris Hilton. One evening, as he was driving home from work, he noticed Paris’ house was on fire. When he got closer, he saw Paris standing in the yard, watching the blaze. Stopping his car and getting out, he rushed over to her. “Paris, your house is on fire!” he exclaimed.

”Yes, I know,” a calm Paris replied. “Well, aren’t you going to do anything?” Kevin inquired. “Nah, let it burn,” Paris said. “I have enough lumber in the attic to build a new one.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #33. Paris Hilton’s Burglarized House

Returning home from work one day, Paris Hilton was shocked to find her house had been ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher had broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, Paris ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #34. Paris Hilton’s Cheating Boyfriend

Paris Hilton suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Paris is so angry that she opens her purse, takes out the gun, and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” Paris replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #35. Paris Hilton And A Dead Duck

One day, Paris Hilton and a friend are walking in the park when her friend notices a dead duck. She turns to Paris and says, “Oh, look at the poor dead duck.” Paris looks up to the sky and asks, “Where?!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #36. Paris Hilton The Business Owner

After Paris Hilton’s clothing shop had just been burglarized, a detective was questioning Paris about how much she had lost. “It’s pretty bad,” she said, “but not as bad as it could have been had he robbed me yesterday.” “Why would you say that?” the detective asked, to which Paris replied, ”Because everything was on sale today!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #37. Paris Hilton’s Auto Tire Repair Kit

Paris Hilton’s boyfriend was helping her clean out the trunk of her car. In the trunk, he found a bag labelled ‘Emergency Repair Kit’. When he looked a little closer, he noticed that there was a stick of dynamite inside the bag. Finding that a little strange, he asked Paris what it was for. “It’s part of my emergency repair kit,” she replied. “I can see that, but why?” her boyfriend asked. “In case I get a flat and need to blow up one of my tires, of course,” Paris explained.

Paris Hilton Jokes #38. Paris Hilton And The Night Watchman

Paris Hilton was walking by an office building late one night and noticed a sign that read: “Press bell for night watchman.” So, she did.

Soon, she heard the watchman stomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally, he made his way through the revolving door.

“Well,” he growled at Paris, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it yourself?” Paris replied.

Paris Hilton Jokes #39. Paris Hilton On A European Vacation

Paris Hilton had just returned to the United States from a month-long European vacation. She’d been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland.

When she had landed, her boyfriend met her at the airport, hugged her, and asked how she enjoyed her trip. “It was awful,” she grumbled. “The whole place was filled with foreigners.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #40. Paris Hilton The Painter

A man asked Paris Hilton to paint him in the nude. “Oh no!” Paris replied. “I’m sorry, but I don’t do that sort of thing.” “I’ll pay you double your normal fee,” the man offered. “No thanks!” she replied. “Ok, I’ll give you five times what you normally charge,” the man said. Paris thought about it for a moment and replied, “Well, all right, but you’ll have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to put my brushes!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #41. Paris Hilton And The Magic Flashlight

Paris Hilton and her friend were on an airplane when the engine blew and they were heading into a crash. Looking around inside the plane, they could only find one parachute and a flashlight. Her friend quickly grabbed the parachute and the flashlight and said to Paris, “Ok, this is a magic flashlight. I’ll shine it on the ground and you can slide down the beam of light. Then, I’ll follow you with the parachute.” Paris looked at her skeptically and said, “Do you really think I’m that dumb? I know that as soon as I’m halfway down, you’re going to turn it off!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #42. How many Paris Hiltons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!

Paris Hilton Jokes #43. Paris Hilton, The Pig, And The Raffle

Paris Hilton was walking down the street carrying a pig under her arm. A man who was walking past her stopped and asked, “Where did you get that?” “I won her in a raffle!” the pig replied.

Paris Hilton Jokes #44. Paris Hilton The Airline Stewardess

Paris Hilton decided she wanted to to be a stewardess. So, an airline captain explained her job responsibilities. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed Paris the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed Paris was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone crying and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?” Paris replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed. “One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, ‘Do Not Disturb!’”

Paris Hilton Jokes #45. Paris Hilton’s Mailbox

Paris Hilton quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later, she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented, “You must really be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box.”

Paris answered, “No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #46. Paris Hilton’s Jigsaw Puzzle

One morning, Paris Hilton calls her friend and says, “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to start it.”

Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”

Paris says, “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Paris’ friend figures that he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says, “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”

“Second, I’d advise you to put all these Frosted Flakes back in the cereal box.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #47. Paris Hilton The House Painter

One day Paris Hilton decides that she is so sick and tired of all these jokes about her and how she is perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her boyfriend that she is really smart.

So, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her boyfriend leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her boyfriend arrives home in the evening and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds Paris lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies, yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that she wasn’t dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, ‘FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.’

Paris Hilton Jokes #48. Paris Hilton And The Magic Mirror

Paris Hilton and two of her friends went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, “Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!”

The three girls quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, one of Paris’ friends said, “I think I’m the most beautiful of us three,” and in an instant, she was surrounded by a pile of money. Paris other friend stepped up and said, “I think I’m the most talented of us three,” and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.

Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, Paris looked into the mirror and said, “I think …” and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Paris Hilton Jokes #49. Paris Hilton The Stowaway

Paris Hilton was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just as she was about to jump, a young sailor came by and saw her sobbing and tottering on the edge of the pier.

Taking pity on her, he said, “Listen, no matter how bad things may seem, you have a lot to live for. I’m heading to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I promise I’ll take very good care of you during the long journey and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he put his arm around her and continued, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.” Feeling she didn’t have anything to lose, Paris agreed to his suggestion.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, each night he brought her sandwiches and fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.

During a routine inspection two weeks later, the ship’s Captain discovered her. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I have an arrangement with one of your sailors,” she explained. “I get a trip to Europe and food and, in return, he’s screwing me.” “I’ll say he is, lady!” said the Captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #50. Paris Hilton died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, “Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.”

“Oh, no!” exclaimed Paris.

But Saint Peter said not to worry, because he would make it an easy test. “Who was God’s son?” asked Saint Peter.

Paris thought for a few minutes and replied, “Andy.”

“Andy? That’s interesting. What made you say that?” inquired Saint Peter.

Then Paris started to sing, “Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me…”
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Note: Part 2 of Paris Hilton Jokes will be added by next week, so don’t forget to visit this site again for more Paris Hilton Jokes!
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