Paris Hilton Jokes

Funniest Paris Hilton Jokes (Collection #2)

(Get Paid $1,000 For The Funniest Joke You’ve Ever Heard)

Note: This list was sent in by an anonymous reader of our site who says, “These jokes are essentially ‘dumb blonde jokes’ but we know that not all blondes are dumb. However, Paris Hilton sure seems to be. So we just replaced her name into the jokes. And it actually made lots of sense LOL! Enjoy!”

“Be sure to add your own Paris Hilton jokes …” at the bottom

Paris Hilton Jokes #51. One day, Paris Hilton decided to go ice fishing. So, she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination, she started to cut a hole in the ice. Suddenly, she heard a booming voice. “There are no fish under the ice.” Suprised, she turned around and saw no one. So she went back to cutting the hole. The booming voice could be heard again, “There are no fish under the ice!” Again, she turned around and saw no one. So she asked, “Is that God?” The booming voice replied, “No this is the Ice Rink Manager, and you’re going to have to pay for those holes, you effin biatch!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #52. Paris Hilton’s Med-School Dictionary

Paris Hilton wanted to go to med-school to prove to everyone that she was smart. Unfortunately, there were many medical terms that were too confusing for her:

Medical Term - What Paris Thought
———— ——————
Artery — Study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Barium — What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
Congenital — Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers’ ball game
Grippe — Suitcase
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Intense pain — Torture in a teepee
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctor’s cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Node — Was aware of
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic — Amorous
Scar — Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of “you’re out”
Varicose — Located nearby
Vein — Conceited

Paris Hilton Jokes #53. Paris Hilton and her equally clueless friend decide to go to the dog pound and each get a puppy. After arriving home, Paris says to her friend, “How are we going to tell them apart?” Her friend replied, “I know, I’ll give my puppy a red bow, and you can give your puppy a blue one.” The next day, Paris comes back and says, “Oh no, I can’t tell them apart! They ripped the bows off when they were playing!” Her friend says, “I know, I’ll give my puppy a red collar, and you give yours a blue one.” The next day, Paris returns. “Oh no, they’ve taken their collars off while playing. I can’t tell them apart!” Her friend says, “I know. Why don’t I take the black puppy, and you take the white one?”

Paris Hilton Jokes #54. What do you call Paris Hilton at university? A visitor.

Paris Hilton Jokes #55. What do you call Paris Hilton between two scientists? A mental block.

Paris Hilton Jokes #56. Paris Hilton wanted to sell her old car but was having a tough time trying to sell it because the car had 250,000 miles. One day, she told her problem to a friend. The friend told her, “There is a way to make the car easier to sell but it’s not legal.” “That doesn’t matter,” replied Paris. “OK,” said the friend, “Here’s the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then, it shouldn’t be a problem selling your car.” The following weekend, Paris made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the friend asked Paris, “Did you sell your car?” “No,” replied Paris, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #57. How do you fit four Paris Hiltons on one bar stool? Turn it over.

Paris Hilton Jokes #58. What does Paris Hilton say after multiple orgasms? Way to go team!

Paris Hilton Jokes #59. Paris Hilton and her friend were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn’t. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and Paris said anxiously, “Hurry up! It’s starting to rain and the top is down.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #60. Paris Hilton was woken up in the middle of the night to find her house on fire. So she went straight to the phone and called 911. When they asked how to get to Paris’ house, she said, “Duh … in the big red truck!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #61. Why does Paris Hilton only use electric lawnmowers? So she can use the cord to find her way back!

Paris Hilton Jokes #62. Paris Hilton didn’t do too well in school. She always erased her notebook when the teacher erased the board.

Paris Hilton Jokes #63. Paris Hilton once returned a scarf because she thought it was too tight.

Paris Hilton Jokes #64. Why does Paris Hilton like convertibles? More leg room.

Paris Hilton Jokes #65. Paris Hilton and her two friends were having a breast stroke swimming contest to see who the better swimmer was. It was a 5 mile race. At the finish, Paris’ two friends came in first, and finally, after two hours of waiting, Paris arrived. The two friends asked what had taken Paris so long. She replied, “Well, I don’t want to be picky or anything, but I think you two were using your hands!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #66. Paris Hilton And The Burning Building

Paris Hilton and her two friends escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the first girl, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!”

So she jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The girl slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. “C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!” say the firemen to the second girl. “Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the frightened girl. “No! That was a mistake! We’re ready now!” “Ok,” says the girl and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the girl is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, Paris steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, “Jump! You have to jump!” “No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled Paris. “No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!” “Look,” Paris says, “Nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it ….”

Paris Hilton Jokes #67. What’s the difference between Paris Hilton and McDonald’s? Paris serves more people in a night.

Paris Hilton Jokes #68. What happens when Paris Hilton developes Alzheimers? Her IQ goes up.

Paris Hilton Jokes #69. What do you call a fly buzzing inside Paris Hilton’s head? A Space Invader.

Paris Hilton Jokes #70. What’s the difference between Paris Hilton and a supermarket trolley? The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Paris Hilton Jokes #71. Did you hear about how Paris Hilton attempted to drive to EuroDisney? She saw a sign saying: “EuroDisney Left” so she went home.

Paris Hilton Jokes #72. Why did Paris Hilton have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Paris Hilton Jokes #73. What do you see when you look directly into Paris Hilton’s eyes? The back of her head.

Paris Hilton Jokes #74. What did Paris Hilton do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17’s) rating? Went home and got 16 friends.

Paris Hilton Jokes #75. How do you tell if Paris Hilton writes Mysteries? She’s got a checkbook.

Paris Hilton Jokes #76. How did Paris Hilton try to kill a bird? She threw it off a cliff.

Paris Hilton Jokes #77. Why can’t Paris Hilton put in light bulbs? She keeps breakin em’ with hammers.

Paris Hilton Jokes #78. What’s the guaranteed method to totally confuse Paris Hilton? Ask her to alphabetize a King-size bag of M&Ms.

Paris Hilton Jokes #79. Why did Paris Hilton drive into the ditch? To turn the blinker off.

Paris Hilton Jokes #80. How can you tell if Paris Hilton is a good cook? She manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.

Paris Hilton Jokes #81. Why did Paris Hilton get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.

Paris Hilton Jokes #82. What does Paris Hilton say when she walks up to the YMCA? “Look! They spelt Macy’s wrong!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #83. All the negative publicity about her life made Paris Hilton want to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park. A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asked Paris what she was doing and she replied,”I’m hanging myself.” “You’re supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,” said the onlooker. “I already tried that,” replied Paris, “but I couldn’t breathe.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #84. Paris Hilton The Bad Parent

One day, Paris Hilton was walking down the street. A police officer stopped her and said, “Miss, did you realize that your blouse is open and your cleavage is hanging out?” Paris replied, “Oh my god! I left the baby in the car!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #85. How do you know Paris Hilton has been using a dishwasher? It’s clogged up with paper plates.

Paris Hilton Jokes #86. How many Paris Hilton’s does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to find a bulb, one to find a ladder, and one to find a man.

Paris Hilton Jokes #87. Paris Hilton and a Russian were at a party. The Russian said, “We were the first in space.” Not to be outdone, Paris said, “Well, we will be the first on the sun.” The Russian explained, “You can’t do that, you’ll burn up!” Paris replied, “Duh! We’ll go at night.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #88. Paris Hilton The Clueless Student

Once, while still in school, Paris Hilton received an assignment from her science teacher. The assignment was to find out what would happen after you pull all the legs off of a grasshopper. So, Paris finds a grasshopper and says, “Jump, grasshopper, jump.” And the grasshopper jumped. So she pulled off one leg and said, “Jump, grasshopper, jump.” And the grasshopper jumped. So she does this until she got down to the last leg. She pulls it off and says, “Jump, grasshopper, jump.” But the grasshopper didn’t jump. So she wrote down in her notebook: “They lose their hearing.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #89. Paris Hilton and her two friends were in a car when a traffic cop pulls them over. Paris begins to beg and cry for the officer to let them go because she didn’t want to go to jail again. Finally, he agrees that if they each can answer one simple question, he would let them go. They agree. So he asks the first girl what kind of sound does a dog make. She thinks for a minute and says, “Woof, woof.”

So the cop says, “Ok, that’s one down, two to go.” He then asks the second girl how does a cat sound. After a couple of seconds, she replies, “Meow, meow.”

The cop says, “Ok, one more.” He looks at Paris Hilton and decides to ask her a simple question. “What’s one plus one?” Paris thinks for a couple of minutes and says, “Two!” The surprised officer says, “Ok, you’re free to go.”

After a few minutes back on the road, the first girl says, “I sure am glad I knew something about dogs.” The second girl says, “Yeah, I’m sure glad I knew something about cats.” Then Paris says, “I’m just so glad I had my calculator ….”

Paris Hilton Jokes #90. Paris Hilton and her two friends wanted to be policewomen. So they go into the police station for the job but first they have to pass a test. The first girl goes in and an officer shows her a photo of a suspect’s side profile.

He asks her what she can tell about the suspect in the photo. So she says, “Well, he must be half blind since he only has one eye.” The officer says, “No! That is a side photo!”

So, the next girl comes in and says, “Well, he must be hard of hearing because he only has one ear.” The officer says, “No!! It is a side photo!!” So it’s Paris Hilton’s turn and she goes in and looks at the photo. She says, “Well, I believe that the suspect wears contacts.” So the officer says, “Hmm, I’m going to have to check on that.” Later, he comes back and says, “Wow, you’re right! How did you know the suspect wore contacts?” And Paris replies, “Well, it sure would be hard to buy glasses if you only have one eye and one ear!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #91. How many Paris Hilton jokes are there? One -the rest are all true!

Paris Hilton Jokes #92. One day, Paris Hilton and her friend were walking along a beach. Suddenly, a bird flies over and craps on Paris’ friend. She tells Paris, “Quick, go get some toilet paper!” Paris replies, “But by the time I get back, the bird will be gone!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #93. Paris Hilton sees a thermos for the first time. She asks her friend, “What’s a thermos for?” Her friend says, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” “Oh!” says an excited Paris.

The next day, Paris brings it with her when she goes to see another friend. Her other friend asks, “What’s that?” Paris replies, “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” Her friend then asks her, “What do you have in it?” Paris says, “Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #94. What do you call Paris Hilton holding a balloon? Siamese twins.

Paris Hilton Jokes #95. How do you confuse Paris Hilton for hours? Type “Please Turn Over” on both sides of a piece of paper.

Paris Hilton Jokes #96. Why does it take Paris Hilton so long to make frozen orange juice? Because the label says “concentrate”.

Paris Hilton Jokes #97. What strikes Paris Hilton and she doesn’t even know it? A thought.

Paris Hilton Jokes #98. What did Paris Hilton say when she found out she was pregnant? “I wonder if it’s mine?!”

Paris Hilton Jokes #99. What do you call a pimple on Paris Hilton’s butt? Brain tumor.

Paris Hilton Jokes #100. Paris Hilton and her friend were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, Paris asked the manager, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are, … very slowly?”

The manager leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing.”

Paris Hilton Jokes #101. Why did Paris Hilton smile everytime there was a flash of lightning? She thought someone was taking her picture.
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